Tonight I was Sid’s date to a wedding. The only other student from Bangalore at Boston University had returned to India from school in May, entered into plans for an arranged marriage, and was now getting married today. It was a Muslim wedding and was going to be a grand, 2-day event. One of my colleagues is Muslim so she lent me some beautiful clothes to wear, and away we rode to a 5-star palace hotel.
We didn’t really know where we were going, and we rode by what looked like a gated park that was aglow with Christmas lights. Whoa, look at that wedding! We exclaimed. Oh wait a minute, we said as we saw the huge sign that read Aysha weds Vikhar, that’s our wedding! We drove in, speechless, and feeling like we really didn’t belong. It was a 5-star palace hotel, and there were 3,000 people invited (after this experience, we realized how easy it would be to crash a wedding like this and that we are going to do it every weekend), and as we were confronted with the division of the bride and groom and stood for about an hour trying to figure out what to do. Could Sid, as a guy, go greet the bride? What was the protocol? Definitely not a hug…do we talk? As we stood there watching and laughing at the awkwardness of the situation, a girl walked up and asked, “Hi, are you Siddarth? My sister said you were coming and you were looking pretty awkward, so I figured that it must be you.” Gee, thanks. Not “You’re incredibly good looking” or even “You have the white girl with you” (I was the only one there) but “You’re looking pretty awkward.” Which was true. So we chatted for a bit, she told us where the food was, and then she left before we realized we hadn’t even asked what we were supposed to do. So we explored for a bit more and then bit the bullet and walked up to greet Aysha. We climbed onto the stage where she sat and awkwardly stood above her, saying hi how are you you look beautiful congratulations! And she replied through a forced smile, without moving her lips, “Thank you for coming. You look lovely. Have you eaten?” then we sat down so the photographer could snap a photo, we got up and wished her well again and, with downcast eyes she replied, “Have a wonderful evening.”
Up until this time, we had noted that she looked miserable but tried to think the best of it – you or I would be miserable if we had to greet a thousand guests, if we were weighted down by pounds of heavily beaded material, and if you were going into an arranged marriage. We decided that our belief of being miserable as it relates to arranged marriage was a socialized, Western viewpoint on our behalf and we tried really really hard not to assume that she was unhappy…but our encounter with her made it very difficult, especially when Sid said that otherwise she was a spunky, spirited, really fun and outgoing person and that seeing her like this made her look quite oppressed…especially when the groom was standing over in his tent laughing and joking and hugging and chatting with his guests. But we decided not to pass judgment and to come back the next day in hopes that she seemed happier.
I will tell you one thing, though – these Muslims know how to throw a party. And how to make good food. It was all you can eat biryani, dry chicken, curry chicken, ice cream, and even goodie bags with nuts and candy. Thank you, and we will definitely be back tomorrow!
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