Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Unexpected Midnight Moments


Sitting in the fresh night air, toes in cool green grass, I listened to the locusts chirping.  If I had closed my eyes, I could have been in my grandparent’s backyard in Sioux Falls.

But I wasn’t.  And I wanted to gaze at the stars in the clear black sky, not close my eyes; I wanted to stay exactly where I was.  For forever, if I could. 

Quiet voices of student at a crossroads spoke over the midnight noises, fingers played with grass, eager eyes looked to us as they shared their hearts, their dreams, their struggles.  What they want to do, where they want to be – who they want to be – after their program ends. Processing their experience, processing their next steps, wondering who they will become.

I was in Somahalli, some few hours outside of Chitradurga, about 4 hours north of Bangalore, and I had come at the call of one of my girls.  She and 2 other former students from my NGO are in an intense theatre-training program, and several times throughout the year she has called to invite me to watch the performance. It has always been last-minute, and I have always been otherwise occupied.

But this Tuesday, my only commitment had been office work. So I traveled, excited to see the girls, excited to watch their hard work pay off, excited for a sleepover and the conversation that would undoubtedly go hand-in-hand.

This, however, was exceedingly, abundantly more than I had ever asked or imagined.

It became quiet, and I heard my name.  “Jen,” Nazar asked quietly, “After listening to everything that they have said, is there anything that you want to say to them?”

I paused a moment.  My heart was full – my heart was bursting.  “So much, Nazar,” I replied, and he knew this meant that I would chime in later.  As he began to respond to what the students had shared, my mind registered something that I hadn’t realized before: Nazar had addressed me in English, but the students had been speaking in Kannada.  They had been speaking in Kannada, speaking in Kannada from the depths of their hearts.  This wasn’t a conversation about how much a rickshaw would cost or how many siblings somebody had – this was real life.  It was real life, and somehow I understood.  I understood, and Nazar knew that I did.  Tears were in my eyes, and they spring back as I type. 

These are the moments – the moments that are priceless.  Being with people you love, people you are proud of, people that inspire you, people that you believe in fully, and speaking a language that perhaps every heart can understand. Listening to dreams and yearnings; desires to live fully alive, desires to make the world a better place.  The moments where we see the commonality of humankind that cuts across race, ethnicity, caste, class.  We are real.  We are raw.

This is real life, and it is sweet - so sweet, and so precious.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Setting Goals

When working on a college application workshop for high school students today, I wrote the question, “What are your life goals?”  It gave me pause, and my mind went rambling.

Those of you who know me well know that I love setting goals.  Every time I hit a crossroads in life, I look back at my goals, make new goals, and see how the paths may lead to achieving these goals.  I make birthday resolutions of goals for my new year.  I have a “dreams and desires” notebook that I’ve kept since my freshman year of college which holds just that – dreams and desires – as well as a 6-year-old Dove dark chocolate wrapper with the ‘promise’ “Make a list of your dreams”.  When mentoring youth, the first thing I challenge them is to make a list of their goals, dreams, and ambitions.  It tells you a lot about who you are, how you were made, and what you were made for (sorry for ending this sentence with a preposition; it’s the Minnesotan in me).

So I thought about my goals.  And I realized that it’s time to seriously reevaluate…because I have achieved most of them.  Yeah.  I’m not bragging or anything, but I feel kind of at a loss.  I’m not even 25 and I’ve achieved most of the goals that I listed: Live abroad: check.  Go to graduate school: check.  Write a book: check.  Go white water rafting: check.  Learn Italian: check.  Learn recycled breathing: Well, I haven’t really started working on this one yet…

But seriously.  Apart from a few adventure goals (explore the Amazon), the funny dreams (be in a Narnia movie), and the very intangible (make a difference), there’s nothing left.  Except to run a marathon, and I’m pretty confident that this won’t happen while I live in Bangalore because the pedestrian safety of this city (aka the walkability of its streets/sidewalks) is .46.  Not sure of what scale that’s on, but I am pretty confident that it is over 50% less than walkable.  Not to mention that every time you try to run, you get chased by a dog. Or two. Or three. Or more.
So. perhaps its time to write more life goals. 

Or maybe, just maybe, my life has taken the turn into an era where I don’t have SMART goals, I don’t have a timeline of my life and of what should happen where.  Rather, I have overarching themes which I want my life to follow – always seek to know God, be known by Him, and make Him known.  Prioritize relationships.  Never stop learning, questioning, contributing.  Love what I do and make sure I am always striving to make a difference.  Live creatively.  Laugh a lot. 

The thought of a life without concrete goals scares me a bit; I really like crossing things off, looking at the list of goals with a little tickmark and a date next to it.  And makes me more than a little bit aware that I don’t want to live aimlessly; without definite purpose.  But there is a strange freedom in the ambiguity of themes, and it’s a freedom that lets me hold onto my life with hands wide open.  A freedom that reminds me to love what I do and do what I love, to never settle for anything that drains me instead of energizing, and to be good to and real with myself at all times.
Hmmmm…