Leaving

In the life of every lover of adventure, there comes a time in which it is necessary to leave. Leaving is the pits.

As a good friend just pointed out to me, I have been leaving a lot recently. And in this case practice does not make perfect. Just because I leave a lot doesn’t mean (a) it has gotten any easier (b) I am good at it or (c) that I like it. Because neither a, b, or c are true.

For starters, saying goodbye is just awful. How in the world can one say everything that they want to say in just one hug – even two? – and an, “I am going to miss you”. (What does the word “miss” mean anyway? That one little word carries so much weight...)

I always end up calling people after I have said goodbye to them, or sending a text, attempting to awkwardly express even more how much a person means to me, what I wish I would have said, or thoughts that have come up as I have processed that fact that I am, indeed, leaving. Nope, I’m definitely not a pro at the leaving thing.

Finally, contrary to popular belief, I don’t’ like leaving. I hate it. I just hate it. When I was waiting in line at airport security, trying to regulate my breathing and stop the tears flooding down my cheeks, the magic words that I kept repeating to myself were “I have a return ticket. I have a return ticket. I have a return ticket.”

Because even though leaving sucks, it makes coming home that much sweeter. And thankfully, unlike John Denver, I know when I’ll be back again.

P.S. Sid, the dear who picked me up at the airport at 1:45am, greeted me with a hug and a “Welcome Home” so maybe, just maybe, this will become home too J

Here I Go Again

I’m off to India! As a step towards my masters degree, I will be interning for a social justice organization designing and evaluating the international education programs that they have for American college students. I’ve been told that I glow when I’m talking about it…so I must be excited J and I am….even though it’s hard to imagine that in just 2 plane rides I will be on the other side of the world and in a completely different time zone!

The moment that it became real was right after I boarded my first flight…and realized that when the pilot told me to turn off my cell phone, it would be the last time I could do so for 6 months. And THAT’S when my stomach went into knots and and I started getting hot flashes and almost had to ask for a paper bag to cure my hyperventilating. Turn off my cell phone? Now, I wouldn’t say I am dependent upon my phone. In fact, I rather like not answering calls and delaying responses to texts (oops…sorry guys). But that’s because I can. To not have that freedom? To not be able to be in constant communication with everybody who is near and dear to me? Wait…to be on the opposite side of the world from them? Now THAT’S scary.