Thanking my Pride

“We have a run on March 4, Jeni.  It is not compulsory, but I am telling you that you must do it.”  That was the primary trainer at the gym on February 15.  I hadn’t been to the gym for 2 ½ weeks.  I hadn’t run since June.  I explained this and asked if she thought I could. “yes, yes, you have been quite regular here, you can.”  Hm.  Thanks Sumitra, but 5 minutes on the bike, circuit training and toning are hardly comparable to running 3 miles.

The next day Raji asked if I was running.  I said yes (because I have no excuse not to), and she asked which.  I said the 5k.  She told me I couldn’t. Which means of course that the 5k is the race I signed up for....I love the challenge of doing things people tell me I can't do.

Pride got me into it.

Pride kept me in it – I started running alternate days at the park before going to the gym for toning. I had to report to Raji how many minutes I ran and show her my watch to prove it. (I did catch her bragging that I had doubled my time in just a week; it's nice to know she's proud of me).
Runs 1, 2, and 3 I was in awe at how God has created my body to move, to breathe, to circulate blood, to be pushed beyond what the mind thinks it is capable of.  I found myself very thankful - both to my pride for getting me into this mess, and God for giving me a body that allows me to run.

Runs 4, 5, and 6 (aka the week of the race) I started kicking my pride because I absolutely didn’t feel prepared at all.  But I had to complete – I had to finish, and I had to prove that I could.

Today was the 5k.  Pride made me run the whole entire time.  The gym staff were stationed along the race route, but I had no idea where my trainers were.  Therefore I ran out of fear that they would see me walking.   Not to mention I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it – me, Jen, who loathed running the mile in middle school and was always one of the last to cross the finish line.  Here I was, running for fun.

I have always wanted to be a runner; always wanted to run a race.  But I was never forced to.  Strangely, now I find myself thanking my pride instead of kicking it.  And on Tuesday morning I will be at the park again, and not I have to follow through on a commitment I made out of pride.  Because I like it.