Experiencing Expatriotism

I am an expat.

Yes, I confess it.

As much as I don’t want to be, I am one.

I can’t help it.

According to the dictionary, an expatriate is “a person who lives outside of his or her native country.”

Guilty.

But I solemnly swear that I am not like them.

I do not brunch at the Oberoi

Or lounge at the Leela Palace.

I don’t have a car and driver,

And I would much rather go to a play at the local Indian theatre

Than spend the night clubbing with other feringhees (foreigners).

I don’t see my time in India as transitory;

Rather, I am fully present (or at least try to be).

I’d prefer to converse with you about a topic of substance

Instead of complain about how difficult life in India is,

How “different” it is to work with “them”.

Please.

Have we ever thought about how “different” it is

For “them” to work with “us”?

I brush my teeth with tap water

…and sometimes I drink it.

I eat with my hands.

I like taking autos.

And I ride the bus.

What brought me to India, you ask?

Well, I was here last year for a 6 month internship…

What’s that you say?

Yes, yes, I chose to come back.

This is My Town

I love Bangalore.  and I love that it's home.
Today I spent time with my friend from SIT who just arrived Friday for his practicum.  I met him on MG Road, we met some friends by UB city, walked Brigade and Commercial, and I dropped him at Shivaji Nagar.  It was SO fun to show someone around my town and to share with him my India :)
The best part?
We were in FabIndia and he was trying on some gorgeous kurtas.  I picked one up that was next to me so I could feel the embroidery, and the salesman said, "That is a large, madam" to which I replied "Yeah, that's too big - I need a small."  The security guard laughed and said something to the salesman, who then turned to me and asked, "Excuse me madam, but are you a regular here?"
I was taken aback.  "Well, I haven't been here for 8 months, but when I lived here last year I came often and always brought friends..."
"Yes, madam.  It is just that this guy here just told me that I don't need to tell you about sizes because you were a regular and used to come often."
I am a regular at FabIndia.
The second best part?
After making sure Cabbie got to the right platform and knew his bus number, I walked back down Commercial to catch an auto at dispensary.  I haggled for a price, feeling like this guy was a bit familiar but not knowing how.  Once we started driving, he turned to make conversation.
And I knew.
This was the driver I had last December who taught me how to drive an auto rickshaw.
I answered his question about how long I had been and how long I was staying, and then I said, "But I lived here 6 months in 2010, and I think that you drove me in December.  You taught me how to drive your auto...?"  He looked back at me, looked at the road, looked back again and said, "Ahhh yes madam!  On Hennur Main Road - Kothanur!"
"Yes!" I said, laughing.
"Do you want to drive today? After Mekhri circle?" he asked.
"No, no. It's dark, and there is traffic, and the road is so busy!"
But when he pulled over after Mekhri circle and motioned for me to get into the front seat, I couldn't resist.
And I drove myself the rest of the way home :)

Running into People I know

My coworker takes French lessons at the Alliance Francaise, and this week they were having some cultural events.  It is right down the street from the office, so after work we ambled over to check it out.
We were early for the concert, but there was an art exhibition opening.  Of course we'll take the free wine, thank you.  They also had bread and cheese, which was very cute and French.  We stood chatting with each other, wanting to meet new people but unsure how to go about it, as everyone seemed to stay with the people they came with.  None of Suma's classmates were there, so she was bummed she didn't know anyone.
"Wait a minute," I said.  "I think I know those people - see the man in the hat with traces of pink in his beard?  I'm pretty positive that they sat by me on the plane from Delhi on the way here....yeah, there's his wife.  I sat by her...I slept the whole time though. Should I say hi?"
We ventured over and stood on the outer ring of their conversation circle.  When they looked at us inquisitively, I said, "Hi - I'm Jen.  I think I sat by you on the plane from Delhi 3 weeks ago...?"  He looked at me and said, "Yes, yes you did!  I remember your hair.  And you must remember my beard." (I'm glad he said that before I did!)  His wife said, "I think that you must have been very tired, because if I remember you were sleeping the entire flight."  Yeah, sorry I was antisocial.
We chatted for a while, though, and it turns out that they are very active at the Alliance Francaise.  She took our numbers so that she can let us know what is going on, and "we don't have to wait for that - we can have coffee."
Suma turned to me and said, "Of course.  I'm the Bangalorean.  I'm the one who is a student here.  But I don't see a single person I know.  You have been living here 3 weeks, and already you are running into friends."
What can I say? It's a small world.  And if you look around, you might start to see (my favorite quote by Anne Lamott, found in the book Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life).

Getting Settled

Today I FINALLY finalized on a cute little apartment!!!!
I found one I mostly liked last weekend, near an area I was familiar with, for the right price.
But when I visited again, I started having my doubts. It was kind of cramped, not a lot of light or ventilation, and I would had had to buy a lot of extra things - aka a refrigerator and a stove, which is kind of pricy.
Today, in the afternoon of when I had to say yay or nay, though, my friend burst into the office and said, "Jen! I found you a house!"
She had been eavesdropping on a conversation while shopping, which led her to a broker (who actually knows her father) which led us to this house.

It is in an area I am not that familiar with, but it is a bit closer to work (and still in a residential neighborhood so I am away from the hustle and bustle and honking...and there is lots of foliage!), has 24-hour security and covered parking for when I get my bike, and already has a stove and refrigerator.
The furniture is kind of reminiscent of Bethel's "chastity couches" but I'm excited to see what kind of magic I can work to make it a nice and cozy warm and welcoming space.
More pics to come!

#thingsidontloveaboutindia

Tonight it started monsooning at about 7:14.
We were supposed to leave the office at 7, but our call went late.
I was supposed to be home by 8 because the bank was coming over to verify that I hadn't given them a fraudulent address when I opened my account.

I love being caught in the monsoon unexpectedly. Seriously.  I know a lot of people hate it and find it inconvenient, and yes, sometimes it is inconvenient, but there's just this feeling of "well, I guess I really don't have control over anything, and the best thing I can do is stand here in / watching the rain until it's finished." and if you've read my blog from the last time around, you  know that there are some pretty classic moments that come from being monsooned.

But tonight, it was different.  I had to run outside in the pouring rain to try to catch an auto - it's kind of hard to convince them to drive me to Amruthahalli (where?!?) anyway, but in the rain it was double the fight.  Two turned me down, and when the third demanded way too much money I gave in so I wouldn't get soaked to the bone.

He complained the whole way there.  Oh, look at the traffic madam.  Oh, this is so far away madam.  Oh, I can't see through the windshield because there is too much rain madam.

Save it, buddy.  You chose to drive me here.  But at this point I decided that I wasn't going to ask him to drive me down the dirt road to the apartment - I would walk.

When he dropped me, he asked me for more money.  I was already paying double, I told him.  No way was he getting more.  I told him from the start where we were going, and this is what he signed up for.  Ten rupees, madam?  No.  A kiss, madam?  Definitely not.

On the list of #thingsIdontloveaboutindia?  Deciding not to barter for a dollar in order to stay dry, only to be stuck with a greedy driver who has the audacity to ask for a kiss after you've paid him double what he already deserved.

#thingsiloveaboutindia

I am so in love with India.
Why do I feel so at home?  What is it that connects me here?
Honestly, I can't articulate it.  But every day since I arrived I have just been bursting.

I looked at some apartments on Saturday.  I may have found one - a picture of the entryway below.  If I don't find anything I like more, at a better location or price, this is a keeper!  My favorite aspects: the walls of each room are different neon-pastel colored stucco.  On the list of #thingsiloveaboutIndia?  Life is colorful.

Saturday night, I got to walk down MG Road for the first time on my own after dark.  (Don't worry mom, I'm safe).  There is such a rush, such an energy, such a feeling that emerges when the sun goes down.  On the list of #thingsIloveaboutIndia?  Walking through the city - central or village - after dark.

It was Roshen's birthday Saturday, so I met up with a friend (Justine from Zimbabwe/France/England) and we stopped by The Rice Bowl to crash a bit of his party.  It was so fun to show Justine a little bit of the city, my city.  To have friends to meet up with.  On the list of #thingsIloveaboutIndia?  Having a history... and Roshen's giggle.

Post birthday dinner, we headed to meet a friend of Justine's.  As we left The Rice Bowl, she said something like, "Ok so I actually only met this guy once...." Instantly I knew we were going to be taken.  We were taking an auto to an obscure place of town that I had never been, and going to the house of a guy from some French island that she had only met once.  She cajoled me, reassuring that he was the friend of a friend, and I agreed to continue....although as out auto neared Whitefield, and this guy came out to meet us at the corner smelling like smoke, I had my doubts.  Don't worry, though, we made it, and met a lot of neat people.  It was an expat party, which is new to me: I haven't ever really hung out with or had the desire to spend excessive time with foreigners in India - I live in India, why would I want to find an American bubble?  But I decided to be open.  This party that we went to was in celebration of Chile's Independence Day, and there were people from all over the world.  A small group, but I was the only American (one Indian had lived in Minneapolis, though, which was fun). There was an Italian, Chileans, Spaniards, Japanese, Brazilian, Justine, and more.  I spoke Spanish, learned what brought people to India, discussed the caste system, and had a mojito.  On the list of #thingsIloveaboutIndia?  Hearing people's stories...and their reactions to India


This morning, I went to church.  It is held in one of the ritzier hotels downtown, but I tried to keep an open mind.  I was told it was mostly an expat church, and I worked through some of the issues listed above.  But I am glad that I went - totally an international crowd, including Indians, and I met some cool people, including some my age.  Afterwards, I was invited to lunch at the Oberoi, and although I would have loved to chat more, I had plans to go to Visthar...I was glad, though, because I still think it would be difficult for me to justify lunch at the Oberoi.  On the list of #thingsIloveaboutIndia?  The adventure of finding where I belong.


I took an auto to Visthar.  Well, to Kothanur.  Then I walked.  And I'm so glad that I did - my dog Max is still sitting at the same curve in the road as he was when I left in December!

I had a great day hanging out with the girls, reliving memories, being outside, and catching up with some of my friends on staff. As I walked back into town, I passed an old security guard on his bike.  He smiled and waved, and asked a question.  Biju drove by on his motorcycle, honked and waved and shouted hello.  I ran into Francoise on her bycicle, and we stopped to chat.  On the list of #thingsIloveaboutIndia?  Knowing I have a second home and family.  Oh...and girls wearing my sunglasses:

There was one auto at the corner.  And I couldn't convince him to take me home...which was okay, actually, because it was what I needed to convince me to take the bus.  I took the bus regularly before, but haven't taken it this time around and had absolutely no idea which busses to take.  However, I knew the roads now, so I was ready for the bus. I was also ready not to spend more money on transport.  I got on the first, to Ring Road.  However, it dropped me before the ring road, not afterwards.  So I played frog hopper and made my way across to wait for another bus, riding that to Hebbal circle.  Hebbal circle is really a circle, and once I got off the bus I had not a clue where I was or which direction I needed to go.  So I followed in the footsteps of of another girl who didn't seem to know where she was going, and asked a bus that might have been going where I needed to go.  They took me on, took a u-turn, dropped me off, and instructed me to walk across a narrow bridge, over the railroad tracks and wait at the bus stop on the other side.  It was dark now, and the other side was India alive.  SO many people, fruit stands, other vendors.  I bought my first pomegranate (couldn't resist) and asked him where to catch the bus.  He directed me AND told me which number to take, for which I was very thankful.  I am so glad I took the bus, and doubly glad that I didn't know where I was going....but that, now, I do know.  On the list of #thingsiloveaboutindia? Public Transportation (most people from my "new India life" would laugh...but it's true, I do!)

Wait - Jen is White?

As established yesterday, I have been here for 2 weeks now.  (Well, 16 days if you are my immigration officer).

Today at lunch, Divya commented on how weird it was having this white American girl in front of her eating rice with her hands.  Suma turned and goes, "Ok, so today for the first time, I have realized that you are white."

Divya looked up in mock shock:  "Wait - Jen is white?"

I said, "Suma.  I have been here 2 weeks.  You just realized this?"
Suma explained that she has recognized that people look at us when we were out, but all this time she has been wondering why.  And why it seemed to be a different kind of look.  Today, it clicked.  "They look at you, and then they look at me.  It is like they are amazed to be seeing a foreigner, and then wondering what I am doing with you.  It isn't just a glance - it is a different kind of look."

This was interesting, as clearly it's something that I realize (and am accustomed to) everywhere I go.  It is less this time around, and I think that can be accounted for by an increasing number of expatriates here in Bangalore.  But yes, I am still stared at.  I was wondering if they ever felt strange being with me, or realized if we are treated differently, but wanted to wait until they said something.

As we walked back to work, we passed through a large group of women heading the opposite direction. We were all acutely aware of their looks, the giggles.  "Why does it matter?  You're just white."

"Jen, I am going to make you a T-shirt" said Divya.  It will say, "I have white skin, and I have blonde hair.  But otherwise I am just like you."